


Dreamwalker

by Anonymous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Forgiveness, Soft Kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 11:19:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17161046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Claire, in her guilt, has been finding it difficult to sleep.  But, when darkness finally takes her, she finds herself in a place of beauty, with someone she thought was lost to her.





	Dreamwalker

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Purpleologist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purpleologist/gifts).



The clock on the nightstand was five minutes slow.  Claire watched it tick steadily towards three, barely visible in the moonlight from the motel room window, where the curtains didn’t quite close.  She watched the second hand tick and she flicked her eyes to her phone. Ten seconds. Five. The clock on the stand clicked to the next minute at at exactly the same time her phone did.  Exactly five minutes slow.

Well, it was a way to pass time.  Literally. It’s not like she was sleeping.

Sleep came hard these days.  Not that it had been easy in the past but, well, she’d learned to function pretty well on ninety minutes so there was that, she supposed.  She wondered if this was typical for hunters, this lack of sleep thing. She’d found an old show on Netflix about vampire slayers and they never seemed to sleep either.  Was it Hollywood magic or was that just the way things were for people like them? The evil things didn’t rest, so they didn’t get to either.

But that wasn’t really why she couldn’t sleep.  

Her eyes were feeling heavy.  It was a good sign, maybe she might get a couple of hours after all.  She wished it would rain. A little light patter on the glass might be just enough to send her off.  But it was too cold for rain now, she thought. If it started to come down now, it might just turn into snow.  Might not be so bad. Things were easy to track in the snow. But the very thought of it made her feel cold and wet.  Claire drew the thin motel blanket up closer around herself, trying to repress the thoughts of bedbugs and unclean sheets.  Those were the least of her worries, surely. Sleep...she needed sleep...just a couple of hours.

Snow really was pretty, when it was all undisturbed and the world was quiet.  Claire was standing in the middle of a clearing, ankle deep in fluffy whiteness that seemed to spread out, unbroken, in all directions.  She was barefoot but she didn’t feel cold, and, where it touched her pant legs, it didn’t seem to make her damp. 

_ I must be dreaming, _ she thought idley, and wiggled her toes in the soft whiteness.  It felt light and feather, the way one would think snow would feel if they’d never encountered it before and didn’t know how sodden and clingy and wet it really was.  It was like fake snow, maybe. The fluffy stuff they blew out over actor in those sappy Christmas dramas on the Hallmark channel. Always perfect and not even cold enough for you to see their breath in the air.  To test that theory, Claire took a deep breath, and huffed it out in one great gust, but no mist escaped her mouth.  _ Yup.  Dreaming.  Apparently my brain is a Christmas card and I never knew it.  No more late night movie watching for me, it’s filled my head with sappy crap. _

“Are you sure it wasn’t always that way?  You look the type to me.”

Claire spun around in shock.  This was  _ her  _ dream after all, who the hell was…...oh.  Claire felt her heart plummet into her toes and, for the first time, they felt cold.  Dark skin...dark hair...barest smile, as if she wasn’t used to doing it and her face wasn’t quite sure how to form it...Kaia.  Claire sighed.

“You shouldn’t be here.  Of all the messed up crap in my head, you’re probably the least healthy right now.”

“I’m not saying your wrong,” Kaia said, her voice soft and even.  “But if I’m not supposed to be here then why am I?”

“I didn’t say not supposed to…” Claire corrected, a note of defeat in her tone.  “Just said shouldn’t.” There was that familiar feeling, that guilt creeping into her chest.  That feeling that kept her up most nights, creeping into her dreams, preventing even this brief escape.  

“But I am.”

“Yeah.  You are.  Gonna tell me why?”  As if she didn’t know.  As if she didn’t know  _ exactly  _ why her subconscious mind would bring out Kaia to torment her with.  There was an ache building in her heart that wouldn’t go away. She wondered, not unhopefully, if it would be enough to wake her.  Her cheeks felt wet but she wasn’t crying. Maybe she was crying in her sleep and she’d wake to find wet pillows.

“It’s okay, you know.  To miss me.” Kaia’s expression was soft but unreadable.

“I barely knew you,” Claire said defensively, looking away and swiping at her still dry cheeks.  

“It’s still okay.”

When Claire looked back at her, Kaia had moved closer.  The snow around her remained unmarred by footsteps, but now the distance between them was negligible.  She could reach out and touch her if she wanted, but she didn’t dare. She didn’t want to feel her fade into nothing under her fingers, and surely that’s what would happen.  You never got to touch the things you wanted most in dreams, they always disappeared like smoke the moment you got close. But she looked so solid...her face so concerned. 

“I should have protected you better,” Claire blurted out.  “I should have….I should have been the one to go down. You shouldn’t have even been there, it was my fault.”

“Probably,” Kaia said, and Claire’s head jerked towards her.  “But I was the one who said okay. I didn’t have to go with you.  I wanted to.”

“And look where it got you.”  

“I still would have gone with you.”  Kaia shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal, but her face said otherwise.  “You have that effect I guess.” There was almost a smile there, but it never quite formed.

“I didn’t have time…..to know….”

“I know,” Kaia said.  “I didn’t either. But some things just happen that way I guess.”

“I wanted to though...I think maybe….maybe I was trying so hard to be the badass hunter, to impress you...I wanted…”  What had she wanted? She wasn’t even sure she knew then, but she did now. Every night, thinking about Kaia, thinking about what she’d done and how it could have gone differently, replaying the day over and over and over again a thousand different ways, she knew exactly what she’d been aiming at.  She just hadn’t been able to see the whole picture until it was too late. She’d never had anything to compare it to, so how could she have known?

“You’re usually a lot better with words, just saying.”  That smile finally made it to Kaia’s lips, small and secret, no teeth, no revealing more than she wanted to give.  It was that secretness that had really drawn Claire to her in the first place. 

“I really wasn’t, you know,” she said, responding to that smile in spite of herself, feeling that ache both deepen and, strangely, ease, for just a moment.  “I was always more of an actions speak louder than words kind of person.”

“So was I.”

They stood in silence for a moment and Claire looked at Kaia, made herself hold her gaze.  Not look away in guilt or fear or anything else. 

Claire closed the distance first.  She reached out, not sure until it was happening what she intended to do.  Her arms wrapped around Kaia and she drew her in against her chest in a hug that started lose, but tightened as she felt her return it.  She felt so solid and real, even knowing this was only a dream. So very  _ there. _  She wasn’t thinking.  Wasn’t thinking at all as she turned her head, moved her hands to cup Kaia’s face, and kiss her, softly, on the lips.  

Claire had never kissed another girl before.  She’d kissed boys, here and there, as she’d gone along, because that’s what girls her age were expected to do.  But underwhelming had been the general feeling she’d gotten from the experience. This? This was different. Her lips were soft and yielding.  Her breath warm against her mouth. Her skin felt so soft beneath her fingers.

“This isn’t real,” Claire said, looking into Kaia’s eyes, so close together.  “I’m just making all of this up in my head.”

“Are you?”  Kaia asked.

“Of course I am..you’re...you…” 

“I went places in my dreams.  I always went to the bad place, it was the only path I had.  Maybe, thanks to you, I have other paths now.”

“I’m just dreaming…”  Claire’s voice caught in her throat.

“Are you?” Kaia asked again, and leaned in to kiss her.  Claire sighed, in resignation but also in utter relief, her lips parting.  She pulled Kaia flush against her body and kissed her like she’d always wanted to, from the moment she’d first seen her, though she hadn’t realized it at the time.

Time slipped away from her for a moment, the way it does in dreams.  She kissed Kaia, and Kaia kissed her back, and the next thing Claire knew, they were seated side by side in the snow, their backs against a tree.  The white drifts around them were fluffy and inviting, like soft blankets. Claire wanted to roll up in them and drift off to sleep forever.

“Do you know what day it is tomorrow?” Kaia asked.

“Of course I do.  Are you about to tell me you’re the ghost of Christmas past?”  For a moment Claire was horrified by the idea. Not just at the thought of leaving this idyllic little clearing, but of what a ghost like that might show her.  Christmas’s with her mom and dad...she wasn’t sure she could face that.

“I’m not,” Kaia assured her, that small secret smile back on her lips.  “I just wanted to give you a present.”

“You did?” Claire asked, genuinely surprised.  “What is it?”

“It’s just this.”  She turned, the better to look at Claire more fully.  “I forgive you. And I give you permission to forgive yourself.  I’m not in pain anymore, I’m not afraid anymore. I’m okay. And, for what it’s worth, I wanted this too.”  She put her hand over Claire’s. 

“I’ve never been overly good at forgiving myself.  Or anyone else for that matter.” Her voice was thick again.  She turned her hand over and laced her fingers through Kaia’s.  

“Then make an exception for me.”

Claire looked at her for a long moment, trying to decide if she could.  If she even wanted to. And then she nodded.

“I will.”

“Good.  I have one more thing for you.”

“You’re giving me presents...I didn’t get you anything…”  Claire felt a pang of guilt and took a breath. Only a dream.  Dreams didn’t require presents, not even at Christmas.

“This one is important so pay attention.”  Kaia’s voice deepened. It seemed to echo in Claire’s head and she had to focus hard on the words.  “There’s a storage unit in Faith South Dakota on Dupree street. Unit number 14. The door code is 5134.  It was only paid for a month. Everything I’ve ever cared about is either in that unit...or right here.” Her grip tightened on Claire’s hand.  “Do you understand? Will you remember?”

“I’ll remember.”  Claire said. She reached up to touch Kaia’s face with her free hand.

“I’ll see you again soon...I hope.”  She almost smiled. Claire leaned in and kissed her, soft and sure.

“You will.”  
  
“Merry Christmas, Claire.”

“Merry Christmas, Kaia.”

Claire woke up in a cold sweat.  Her lips felt salty from tears she’d shed in her sleep.  Just outside her window, she could see the sun was starting to rise, marking the time as it crept up the wall.  She felt stiff and a little cold, but it didn’t matter. She had to get moving. There was a storage unit she had to get to.  A city of Faith to find. She’d made a promise, after all, and she intended to keep it. And maybe, just maybe, she’d find it easier to get to sleep from now on...knowing what was waiting for her on the other side of wakefulness.


End file.
